please don’t throw the bread

I’ve apparently been busted tossing a loaf or two. I was able to slide land a bag of bagels from 14 feet, I’m the Julius Erving of delicious baked goods.

Regrettably, crushed bread doesn’t make for fantastic sandwiches. One mashed slice too many being peeled off the slice below it, and I am greeted by a behavioral Dear John notice.

I thought the inserted “please” was a nice touch, it was at least endearing in the face of such bread mangling tragedy.